Friday, February 27, 2009
RUN BABY RUN...
So I ran..like loads suddenly..And I think I am regretting it today. The body feels like it needs to be in bed to recuperate for at least a day..and yet..Had to drag myself to school...To administer all the tests...Thank god today is friday and I only have to handle my sec 2s, which is very lovely really..
Anyways..ran with Elkan in the evening..like a lot more than I was ready for..and just 2 hours later..ran with Issac, Marc and Vick..and they sprinted as they were trying out their ippt timing...bloody hell..i tried to keep up but then I decide to just trail behind...who cares...
So that was that. Today would be a long day..I have like 2 tuitions...and I think I will go home and rest after that..
Till then..
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
OVER THE MOON
For though life is still horribly wrong for me, I shall not moan and groan about it in today's entry..
For I believe there are many people who cared for me, and I cherish that. It makes me want to work harder than I ever did, I gives me hope...I see the light at the end of the tunnel..or at least, I imagine there would be one.
In anyways, my blog got spammed. Its quite interesting actually for I would not know why people would actually do that. But hey, it amuses me to no end. I mean, how would it affect me in any way...Its so silly, everyone who knows me know that I am never like that..heh
Didnt go for class on monday and pretty much toying with the idea of not coming to school tomorrow. Issac dared me to. He said if I come, then he no respect for me...haiz..so mean right..encourage me to do nonsense. But I do need the break and the throat is killing me..But then I would be missing 4/9 for the 2nd time this week...and I really like them because I think they are progressing beautifully in their writing skills. Haiz..
Anyways...had fun playing volleyball...though I cant stop laughing..for god knows what reason..maybe it is just to cover up how horrid I feel inside..who knows..
I need to sleep..and really..i dont seem able to...Thinking about the Common Tests frightens me. I think I set it far too hard and hence I think loads of them will fail it..Haiz...How do I explain all of those failures? I guess I have to admit that I am lousy after all..
That is that...
If I ever were to pray regularly, I would thank god for the lovely friends that I have..Who have been understanding and by my side when I need them most. Who understands what every sigh means without me having to explain why. Who knows that beneath that weird laughter is great confusion and pure sadness...
I would also pray for wonderful students, who enable me to go to class, and forget my misery..who managed to make me smile and laugh...
And I would pray for the great family that I have..though they dont see me much, I know they have my back...
So that is that..some of my prayers and thanks..just in case i die tomorrow...:)
Till then...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Messed Up
For all the that has happened, I wonder how I could still wrap my head around it, go for my lessons and meetings, and rush deadlines. I also wonder how, with so little sleep in my system these past few days, I can still laugh and smile, joke and do my work...There must really be a God because if not, I think I would have been so messed up, I would not know where to pick up the pieces..
Its been a horrible year for me this year. Its only the second month and yet, I have gotten the 2nd threat of death being slapped on my face. And that both hit closer to home than I would ever expect it. Yet, life has to go on for me, for I need to be strong for these people and pray for the best.
I do hope things will look up soon. It has been very tough for me. Going into class requires a lot more effort. And for the amount of nonsense I have to handle in class, with my throat permanently swollen now, I wish I could tell them to have some sympathy. But ego and pride prevents me from doing so. I am afraid though, one day, I will snap and be someone who they really hate.
Haiz...enough of moaning and complaining. There have been good things. 2/3 was an angel class. They were responsive and quiet. They behaved well. I think they have last year's 2/2 potential if I work on them. In fact, I love most of my sec 2 history class. They are really a wonderful bunch of people. I find teaching them really pleasing and its good to know I dont always have to come out of the class feeling like I just survived World War 1.
4/8 and 4/9 proves to be hard though. 4/9 still has hope...for they are now more serious with their work. The students in the class are quite cooperative and they do know how to ask their friends to shut up. I do like 4/8..but i think they need loads of self confidence, which is majorly lacking. The fact that some continuously test my patience also did nothing to make me feel motivated...Haiz..
Anyways...went out with don and marc yest...had fun stuffing our face with food. Then out with lokie today. We are in shitland and yet, we had plenty of good laughs today. Very much needed.
Haiz..
I guess, I shall stop rambling. I want to try and pick up the pieces...Wish me luck people..for I still believe, when everything is all the way down, there is only one way....UP..
Till then..
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
GREATEST ALLERGY
So to distress..and to make marc happy...we ate Seoul Garden just now. The dinner buffet, which is the same as the lunch buffet..but cost more...Not that it mattered...But they are still bent on getting me to eat that 50 hotdogs I owe Eleora. Geez...I think between the time lapse, I have eaten them...Just that I did not count, and hence that would not have counted. Besides, I know they love torturing me..So in anyways, I quietly ate the hotdogs, crab stick and fishballs. Which aint too bad when you get pretty distracted cooking and chomping down all the food.
Then it was tuition time for me. The parents were livid that I kept cancelling. Since I have nothing better to do now, I supposed its time I go earn that money. Then maybe I would be closer to my dream of fleeing the country and leaving this nightmare of a life behind...
So anyways...to tuition it was..and guess what they served me...Tom Yam, with crab stick, hotdogs and fish balls. I could have died. Less than an hour after I ate that major buffet and the talk of bulimia, and my great suppression from vomitting, thanks to Issac's wonderful illustration of puking, I had to eat the thing that I am almost afraid I would die choking on...How bad can my luck be!
So needless to say, I could not finish the food, much to the major disappointment of the parents. I felt real bad. After all, they are very nice, and they do always serve me yummy food. But seriously, circumstances werent permitting...
So that is that. As I drove the long way home, I can't help but be overcome by the thoughts of really going away. Like staying in another country for 5 years or so. Doing my masters. Working there. And I know now that it would be a reality soon enough. As I no longer could stand teaching, neither can I stand the societal expectations and as lovely as some of the students are, they drive me up the walls most times. Besides, marking their work makes me consider suicide as a better option...
I know..life aint supposed to be all bleak...but what can I say. The world is really not on my side these days.
Haiz..whining over. Shall get my work done. And pray to god that 2/3 would so behave themselves tomorrow. Which I know they probably wont.
Oh well..till then..
Random Musing
I have been so tired lately. I dont even feel like coming to school anymore. And trust me, it is about to get worst. I work soo much, yet I feel like I have accomplished very little. Urrghhh..I think I should really make use of my MC and stay home.
Many days have passed, and I still got people asking me how the date was :p...Haha...how could I say everything? Its for me to know, for them to find out. All I can say was...Rose, melted chocolate, traumatising-but-hilarious-play, over-priced-but-fantastic dinner, wonderful company, lost wallet :p...Haahaa...its not a perfect day mind you...I lost my contact lens whilst driving...and he lost his wallet with all his stuff there...But apart from that..it was great..Loads of photos that i cannot upload in facebook though...dang! Haha..and as i told the best friend, I doubt i would date anyone flabby anymore...hahaa...finely sculpted please!
That was that....and now its back to my traumatising life as a teacher. Where students dont appreciate me, thinks I am the same as their maid and basically get under my skin. Haiz..when will this ever end. 2 more years....and i shall leave for good.
Till then...Just something random..
Friday, February 13, 2009
So Sick
I don't know how i have been continuing with my daily teaching, when my throat is so visibly swollen and it feels like shit. It hurts like hell especially when i shout. Yet the class dont know it and shout I still have to do. I was hoping i kinda lose my voice and that I am out of teaching as it does seem to be somewhat of a hazard right now. Its really getting to me..the pain and all...oh god..
Anyways...today will be fun..Gonna go watch a play, then go house party (well...they are going back)...and then saturday should be fun :)...Or so I hope. Then again...its the last time he can distract me..and that finely sculptured body that sent the students gaga over him...:pbefore reality hits :) Oh well...
That is that. I have to stop now...the bell has rung...Till then
Monday, February 09, 2009
So It Goes
So it ended..apparently...i guess it was time it did..he said it first. I concur or at least try to believe in it. From the start..it was doomed. Hence I was glad I did not acknowledge that there was anything (between us) much to most people. Besides, it aint too bad right now...as i was cautious from the start, and though I gave my best, I have to admit, I didnt give my all. I was always wary, and I am glad that I was.
Thank god for distractions, in the form of a finely sculptured piece of art (I know cos I just do :p). And I get to appreciate it even though it would be for a short time. But at least it keeps the smile on the face. It gives me a reason to wake up every morning, to look forward to something. It keeps the cracked heart beating.
It has been great really, cos I know my colleagues will be there for me. I know I would never feel lonely and I know, I dont have to fear that the parents would never approve of it. Exciting isint it.
So that is that. I had a fantastic Saturday. And a wonderful early Sunday. And he will make me smile again tomorrow..that am sure.
Waking up and late nights will not be easy. Listening to Class 95 at night would have to be put on hold....But I think I am pretty much intact.
I have had a lovely run. I shall retire to bed now.
Till then.
Monday, January 26, 2009
What a Wake Up Call
I hate to keep whining about the same thing. But something hit closer to home than I thought it would...And I had to see the message when I just woke up. U bet. It shocked me so much, I was immediately fresh with blood pumping. I could have run 10km in less than an hour man...Oh well...
And when someone wants to talk about it...I kept thinking...what is the point. Cos it is not going to change the present. It is not gonna make me wish lesser that things had been different and that I could entertain the thoughts of actually tying the knots without going through all hurdles in life first. Without knowing at the back of my mind that it has an 80% failure rate...Oh well..
Anyways..I need to be happier. And I need to tell myself that I dont need all these things. I know deep down that I am fine and that I am just being emotional.
Heh..So anyways, today will be relax day..With some work getting cleared hopefully...And my 10km run..Lets home I am not too lazy to do so..
Till then..
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Mission Accomplished
Well...I feel quite good today. I have always wanted to wash my car. I just could never get my lazy ass to do it. But today, I figured, I might as well do it before people think I am driving a piece of junk. What I didn't expect was the duration it took. But hey, the car feels new now. Sadly though, it made me quite spent hence running proves too much a struggle for me. But something got to give I guess.
So ran I did. With fahrur. I do have to say, that guy can run and talk and keep bugging me to pick up the speed. Crazily enough, as shacked as I was, I picked up the speed only to quite regret it. I hate uneven speed as I feel more tired. Bleargh..But I guess I should thank him for letting the butt get more of an exercise than if I were running alone.
I have been running quite constantly since the new year started. With just a day or two of rest here and there. Generally, I run about 5 days a week. So that ain't too bad. Sadly, I am still as huge as an elephant. I wonder what else I should do. Liposuction anybody?
I have this funky CNY concert across the road. Not trying to offend anyone at all, but the music is really blaring through my windows so much so that I cannot hear myself think. It is really very painful to hear the very old school music being sung by very old people. I am trying to plan for my lessons and all I could think about is getais. Maybe I should make my 4/9 perform getai for me? Or my ever restless 2/3? That would be quite entertaining wouldn't it. I am not sure if they would not feel a sudden urge to murder me though.
I am talking nonsense I know. I guess I should really try and get back to work.
Till then...
p/s: I really have the bestest best friend in the whole wide world. Nobody gets me like she does. And nobody does sweet things for me, after 7 years like she does. Thank you darling. Love you deep deep. :)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
SHE IS DEPRESSED
Sometimes, it is a wonderful idea to stop going online and communicate with people. To stop reading blogs and totally pretend the evil facebook don't exist. It is really a blessing in disguise when i don't have much time to snoop around and only have time to check emails and be piled on with more work. Cause then I don't have to know who is who, and who is tying the knot with who emphasising my GREAT failure at doing that simplest thing that other people do so well in...How very much depressing is that. When I am happy with the way I am, there must be something to give me that reality check that I am not great at all..
I guess this off mood-ness resulted from a very bad month that I am having. The voice is almost gone again. With a lethal combination of 4/8, 2/3 and 4/9 every thursday, I doubt I would have any voice left by the end of the month. One is super disinterested and unmotivated, one just cannot shut up. One is just a circus. To top it all off, I got miserable 20 minutes of break for the WHOLE day.
Thank god I still love my 2/7. For no matter how problematic they are, I think they have character and they are actually very cute people. They are quite sweet too. Not teaching them is fabulous as I can concentrate on bonding with them, with having their horrible work taint my feelings for them.
I am counting down to the day my bond ends. Cause seriously, I don't think this is my cup of tea. I love teaching actually. But going into a class that is ridiculously annoying just put off whatever effort and energy I had. So what is the point.
In anyways, I am just plain glad the long weekend is here. I shall rot at home. And be rid of all those ungrateful brats...I need to go run though. Need to be fit enough to go join a marathon or something. I mean, as I am a lousy teacher and can't tie any knots when people do that so effortlessly, I might as well concentrate on something else or I might just be depressed all the way.
Oh well...
I should sleep my angst and depression away.
Till then..
Never trust someone who can bleed for 5 days and still NOT die
Monday, December 08, 2008
AND SO IT GOES..
Ok..so now...here i am in spastic Istanbul where the keyboard ıs soo dıfferent ı have problems fındıng the correct letter "i"...so most of my ı wont be dotted....
In anyways...Salzburg was gorgeous....wıth the mountaıns and the snow....the people are real nıce as well...ıts quıte a sleepy town and ı managed to learn how to speak some german...:p...perks of ıt was the chrıstmas markets and the wonderful scenery...ı posted loads of stuff back home as well cos ı managed to accumulate quıte alot of junk and was unwıllıng to lug ıt all around...so that was that...we had an unglam moment of tryıng to carry 2 20kg boxes to the post offıce...ın the raın...walkıng for lıke 500m..sounds lıttle? Not when people are starıng and we are dyıng of laughter more than walkıng..
Then ıt was off to Zurıch and Lucerne..I swear ıf ı stayed ın any of those places for more than 1 day each..ı would dıe...lucerne, though scenıc was borıng as hell..and zurıch was good for a day trıp and nothıng more...so we decıded to move off to Italy...perks of Swıtzealand...CHEAP Longchamp bags and nothıng else...
So Mılan and Pısa was much better...many Italıan bıtches though..the gırls were rude..and ı thınk most of the men are gay...but hey..leanıng tower of Pısa was soo gorgeous...much better than ugly eıffel tower...lokıe and hajar nearly got pıckpocketed agaın..but we know theır trıck..so they were busted...oh..and ıtalıan traıns...traın rıde from hell and back..;p Perks of Italy...beautıful archıtectures, brand crazy and perfect gelato ıce creams (yes..ın the bloody cold)
That was that..and now ı am ın Istanbul(after many hours of traın rıde from pısa and then an overnı-ght at basel aırport)...where the men are great flırts and plaın horny...ıts beautıful though..the mosques and all...and the lamps are soooo pretty..have not covered much of ıt as we are abıt tıred of travellıng..wıll probably start proper tmlw...dont know the perks yet...just that the turkısh men thınks ıts funny to serve me and not my frıends..wıth loads of theır stupıd wınks...
Two more destınatıons after thıs....bulgarıa and london..ı cant waıt to go back to london and shop...and then ıts back to Sıngapore where all hell wıll break lose..
That ıs that..nothıng much ı guess...ı cant waıt to go back and eat mee goreng!
Tıll then..
p/s: dıd ı say ı went mad ın LV and Prada ın Mılan :p...there goes the bonus..
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Round Europe
So much to say...so little time..I am now buying time before my bus depart..
Ok...summary of my travel so far...Second day of travel, brother called to tell me that my car was stolen. Police found it around midnight and apparently it has scratches and was taken for a joyride. Imagine that. Singapore...and that was where I lose my car...but hey..i didnt wanna be upset about it...so i tried to enjoy my hols..
So first stop was porto and lisbon in portugal...and guess what...lokie had his pounds stolen...and i got my whole wallet stolen...i lost all my credit cards and whatever cards i have...I lost ike $800 worth of money...so shit happens. Called hajar who was to meet us at paris to go pick up my credit card from home, while i asked lokie's bro to help cancel my credit cards that was stolen.
Afterwhich...We went to paris and on that first night..it was hajar's turn to lose her camera...Its hard to feel excited about travelling after losing that much..but hey..we managed...We had a great time in paris...for the people are gorgeous..
So...now i am in krakow, poland..Its darn cold...But its beautiful..we nearly missed our flight though...but i guess luck was on our side after all...
Thats about all. Waiting for my bus to vienna...and then its to salzburg, austria...
Will update more when ive reached either switzealand,istanbul, bulgaria or london. I doubt salzburg will have free internet connection..
To people back home...I miss you guys :(
Till then..
Sunday, November 16, 2008
WOMAND IN COMMAND
I don't really know how it happened...first i was arrowed to be the course 2IC....then..i was arrowed to be the contingent commander...and in less than 10 minutes...i was made the parade 2IC...me...w/o the knowledge of footdrills, arms drills and sword drill...and to make the story all the more interesting...we had no practice for the parade (as it was raining on days we should practice) till the morning of the parade itself...needless to say...we were drilled into knowing everything through a 2 hour crash course....the RSM and encik said our parade was a miracle...cos it went superbly well...but i know..i was scared as hell..and i kept thinking of running away...Only salvaging point was that i did it with Don, the parade commander..:) Anyways...i donoe how i did for my parade...but i was glad i did it at last...
That is that..NCC is over...and i am super duper glad...no morning wearing green (it is really not my colour)...no more cursing the boots in the morning...no more boring lectures...but i will miss the ns boys...
Oh well...A picture says a thousand words...so let these pictures do the talking...
post flying fox
post rappeling
i climbed cos the belayer was cute :P
my darling.
girls in syndicate 4
love his voice
posing during lects
with my parade commander
With the syndicate IC
SAR21
my favourite weapon
act macho
my bf..
P/S: All my bags are packed...I am ready to go...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
HATE IT
I hate the fact that i have thousand and one things to do and all i did was read blogs and facebooked and nothing else...when all my things are WAY overdue...
My work review was due god knows when..and yet..procrastinate I shall...I am tired after camp everyday..so seriously..is it really my fault that i dont feel like getting anything done?
Grrr...
Anyways...last few days of NCC...and the parade draws near..."lucky" that i am...as of now...this moment of time...i am the parade 2IC...i know...how THAT happened i dont quite know..but rally i shall tmlw and who knows...maybe i come back victorious--being a normal cadet...
I should also learn to keep my mouth shut and stay below the radar...for i think for once i want to be anonymous...
Anyways..a call came in..i got to bugger off
Till then...
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
WOMAN IN UNIFORM
So i heard of the NCC 1 month training...and i thought i would regret my choice for NCC...i love man in uniform...but me in green...hideous...its never my colour...
But hey..i enjoyed it...and i am sad to know...next week is our last week...I groan and moan about the long lectures...and i curse and swear like its my native tongue whenever we have to go under the hot sun or do arms drills...but hey...beneath it all..i love the course :)
So yep...I am glad i get to go for this course...to be far away from school..to do fun activities...and of course..to have made some great friends...(though the encik's english got me tearing out my hair)
I still look ugly in the uniform though...and i feel tired most times...and i think some people feel abandoned too...
I shant be updating much..cos there aint that much to say...but i will upload some pics of me in uniform one of these days...
Till then...
P/S: Did i say the NS boys are super duper cute? And that they are just a year younger ;P...I loikee.....
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